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Wednesday 19 March 2014

A Big Fat Marriage


No, no, the title of the post should not be taken as a marriage of some high society wedding. Here I am referring to a marriage of a lowest of the lowest family, who are 'bargaining'  with  another family, where they are planning to 'give away' their daughter in marriage. I am referring here to a  pre marriage talks and bargains being made for my maid's daughter's marriage arrangements. The people belong to a backward  community. She has a daughter (also working in our house}supposed to be eighteen years old. Ever since she joined our house, the mother is looking for a match for the daughter. Last week there was an SOS message from her village to send the girl to the village. The girls' father is working as a cook with some family. The father and daughter reached the village, only to be told that the boy had been taken away by some other family. 

Within one week, the father found a match for his daughter. The father and his two brothers went to 'see' the boy  to another village and liked him.The boy is twenty three  years old, never attended any school, and is unemployed. I don't know what they liked in such a boy, except that he is a 'boy'!  Yesterday the boy's people came to see the girl. They were supposed to come at eight '0 clock in the morning, but they reached at four in the evening.{Only eight hours late) Only three people were to come, but forty  came. There were no females  among them and the boy is not supposed to see the girl! For all these forty, the girl's father had to arrange for food and a  place for sleeping at night. The father is staying in a jhuggi.  For dinner they demanded  'chicken' and something 'nice' to drink. After making all arrangements, the poor fellow  came and sat with the guests. Now started the 'bargains'. The boy's father demanded  a motor cycle, five gold ornaments besides  all other things useful for the house. This  one way of asking and giving of gifts will continue forever.

Just imagine, even at such a level  where the boy is illiterate,and has no source of income and lives in a jhuggi, this is the demand ! It is so shocking.The boy and the girl are not expected  see each other before  the marriage.

Such things are still happening in India. The 'bride giver'  has always  been at the lower level. He has to stand with folded hands in front of the 'bride taker'. The bride's father will  forever be the 'golden cow' ready to be milked  at one call. Even though  anti dowry laws are there, but they are being   flouted openly. The amount given as dowry  is not given to the newly wed couple, it goes to the parents. I told my maid  not to go  ahead with this alliance, but she says that such things are common  in their community. When  the cow is herself  willing to be butchered, who can say  any   thing!!

21 comments:

  1. God !! And did the girl's dad agree to the demands ? Did the girl agree to get married to someone without seeing him ? And did anyone find out if she had any dreams about her life, at least some expectations ???
    Shocked to learn that such things happen in cities too ( given that the maid works at your home) !
    Thanks for sharing this story, Usha Mam :)

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    1. Sreeja I tried my best to dissuade that foolish fellow , but these people have their own whims and fancies. Even the girl is quiet. Very tragic!

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  2. This is so cruel ... and we say times are changing ... perhaps, along with the time, people, and their sense and sensibilities should change too.

    Thanks for bringing it to light.

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    1. Thank you Amrit. No one knows when the mind set of such people will change.

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  3. It's a human tragedy where the bride is made to sit like some 'prized object' or a milch cow. When will people change their herd mentality? I wonder! Thanks for shedding light, Usha Ma'am:)

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    1. Yes Vishal, it is a slur on our society. Even in this age the boy and the girl have no choice. They wait like dummies for their elders(no women) to decide their fate.

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  4. After taking the girl home with a motorcycle and jewels etc. he will make her work and earn for his drinking habit. He will sit at home, drink in the evening and beat her. This is happening in my maid's house too. She has come out and stays alone with her two small sons. Her father doesn't speak to her. Her brothers are supporting her. She works in 4 houses, including ours. They will never change.

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    1. Yes Sandhya, you are very correct. I am trying to convince my maid, but all suggestions are simply being ignored.

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    2. Yes Sandhya.This is exactly what I told my maid, but they have their own priorities.

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  5. Your last sentence said it all.
    But then metaphorically and literally even cows will resist the buthcher

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    1. Anil, you are correct. But only God knows what material they are made of.

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  6. You summed it up well Ushaji, if the cow is willing to be butchered, then....When it comes to "give and take" esp in case of marriage proposals, somehow boy's side sings the same tune across all religion, caste and regional barriers. Very few households have boldly broken free from this ridiculous custom.

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    1. This practice is so much ingrained in our system like moth, which is difficult to eradicate.

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  7. It is pathetic to see that everywhere even mothers dont support their daughters..nevr look for a bright future..only for a boy..

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    1. Yes Renu, this is a very bad state of affairs.

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  8. A sad state of our society! last line says it all...

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    1. Yes Payal the malady is too deep rooted.

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  9. It is so terrible. God knows when such practices will come to an end!!

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    1. Yes Shilpa, there seems to be no end to this devilish system.

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  10. Such demeaning things happen every day. Only education will make a difference.
    Very touching post Usha ji.

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    1. You are right. Only through education the girls can be made to realise that they are not dumb driven cattle.

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